Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 750

Hurricane88 · #**11236** 07-11-2019, 01:05 PM

Jokes for laughter...

Hurricane88 · #**11237** 07-11-2019, 02:59 PM

The donkey named Ass

A farmer got into a race with a donkey named Ass and won.
The farmer was so happy that he got back into the race again, and won again, so the local newspaper published a note saying:

Farmer's Ass At the head.
but the bishop is annoyed and orders the farmer not to return to the races, the next day the newspaper publishes:

BISHop ask Ass Farmer not to run.
this was too much for the bishop and orders the farmer to get rid of the donkey.
The farmer decides to give it to a nun from a nearby convent, the newspaper finds out and publishes the following:

Nun HAS THE BEST Ass IN THE CITY.
The bishop faints, informs the nun that he must get rid of the donkey, she sells it for 10 euros, find out from the newspaper and publish:

NUNG SELLS HER Ass FOR 10 Euros, this was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy the donkey again and drive it to the plains to go free, the following day the headlines said:

Nun ANNOUNCES THAT THEIR Ass IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop is buried the next day.

MORALE:
Worrying about public opinion can bring a lot of pain and misery, even shortening your life.
Stop worrying about the ass of others, just take care of yours.

StrongBrew · #**11238** 07-11-2019, 03:59 PM

A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.

This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week.

Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.

StrongBrew · #**11239** 07-11-2019, 05:59 PM

At the doctors office:
Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…"
Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…"
Doc: "Do you eat fried food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it"
Doc: "Do you eat fat food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc"
Doc: "Do you stay up late?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok"
Doc: "Do you have sex often?"
Man: "Yes!
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too"
Doc: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will"
Doc: "Do you drink?"
Man: "Yes..."
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?"
Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"

wowkonnichi · #**11240** 07-11-2019, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Jokes for laughter...

Very true bro, good share

TomorrowNews · #**11241** 07-11-2019, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

MORALE:
Worrying about public opinion can bring a lot of pain and misery, even shortening your life.
Stop worrying about the ass of others, just take care of yours.

Excellent ass joke LOL