Is my wife having an affair?

Hi Friends. I wonder if anyone has the same experience can advise me on this one.

I lost my job years ago and now doing freelance works but earn really peanuts. My wife, about 30, pretty, despised me a lot and even refuses to talk to me. We haven't had sex for 2 years already. My sexuality and tool are perfectly alright. It is just that whenever I touched her, she would push me away, and I masturbate 3 times a week. (No kidding).

Now, recently she returned home very late, sometime past midnite. When I questioned her, she would get very agitated and blamed me for making her worked late and sometimes threw very insulting remarks at me and that made me rather keep quite.

This is the important part. Yesterday she returned late again and as usual, headed to the shower straight. I was still awake and when she went to bed, I smelled her clothings and this really shocked me. The pants, blouse, even the bra and panty had a very strong cigarette smell. We both hate smoking very much so obviously she had been to a smokey place or with some smokers. The smell was very strong, that you will get it only when you are very close to a smoker, or in a smokey place for some period, or smoked.

I don't smoke so I cannot tell how the panty and bra got the smell. But I am very shocked to detect that. But the strange thing was, there was no other smell on her panty. She must had put on a pad or the panty was fresh. But she dislikes smoking and smokers. How could she tolerate all these smokes and smell?

Please. Anyone went through this before please kindly advise me but don't jump to conclusion because I am very lost and unstable now.

Thanks.

[UM_PORK]

What does she work as?

Definitely she has been to pubs and stuff, and naturally there would be guys involved. However, it is not clear hoe far they have gone.

[ufo8mydog]

Originally Posted by Thunder_Struck

Hi Friends. I wonder if anyone has the same experience can advise me on this one.

I lost my job years ago and now doing freelance works but earn really peanuts. My wife, about 30, pretty, despised me a lot and even refuses to talk to me. We haven't had sex for 2 years already. My sexuality and tool are perfectly alright. It is just that whenever I touched her, she would push me away, and I masturbate 3 times a week. (No kidding).

Now, recently she returned home very late, sometime past midnite. When I questioned her, she would get very agitated and blamed me for making her worked late and sometimes threw very insulting remarks at me and that made me rather keep quite.

This is the important part. Yesterday she returned late again and as usual, headed to the shower straight. I was still awake and when she went to bed, I smelled her clothings and this really shocked me. The pants, blouse, even the bra and panty had a very strong cigarette smell. We both hate smoking very much so obviously she had been to a smokey place or with some smokers. The smell was very strong, that you will get it only when you are very close to a smoker, or in a smokey place for some period, or smoked.

I don't smoke so I cannot tell how the panty and bra got the smell. But I am very shocked to detect that. But the strange thing was, there was no other smell on her panty. She must had put on a pad or the panty was fresh. But she dislikes smoking and smokers. How could she tolerate all these smokes and smell?

Please. Anyone went through this before please kindly advise me but don't jump to conclusion because I am very lost and unstable now.

Thanks.

dump her. wat kinda wife is she? no sex for 2 years?!
she makes u look like your her bitch.
and yes i can confirm chop u, she must be getting her pleasure from somewhere else.
who the hell can tolerate 2 yrs of not having sex?

Hi. Thanks for replying.

I have not been to pubs before. Can someone just pick up such strong smell even the underwear and bra also has the odour?

She works as a planner. Not really has to entertain clients.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Thunder_Struck

Hi Friends. I wonder if anyone has the same experience can advise me on this one.

Even if she wasn't having an affair, my advice to you is simple... leave her immediately.

A spouse who refuses to have sex is sending you a very clear message.. ie... that the relationship has ended. In your case, it ended 2 years ago.

You might as well formalise the end of the relationship by initiating divorce proceedings.

Hi Sam.

How sure are you Sam? May be it's because I am jobless that she despises me and uses sex as a weapon? I had been a fairy good man but she rebuked that there are lots of good man not only me. And insisted that I am using her.

Oh man! Is divorce the only solution? I have a 5 yo kid man. If we have to separate, I am taking my kid.

[evo3]

In fact I also encounter the same problem but my is mor simple, my wife does not sleep in the same room as me for almost 4 donkey years. But she dont stay out late nite and use to be home after finish her work. But I hv a kid, otherwise I would have leave her liao. Just like Bro Sammyboy was saying here.

[KingEros]

Originally Posted by Thunder_Struck

But she dislikes smoking and smokers. How could she tolerate all these smokes and smell?

If it revolves around her rice-bowl, I'm sure she'd tolerate ... only you know what she does for a living, so you decide if this is the case.

Originally Posted by ufo8mydog

and yes i can confirm chop u, she must be getting her pleasure from somewhere else. who the hell can tolerate 2 yrs of not having sex?

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

A spouse who refuses to have sex is sending you a very clear message.. ie... that the relationship has ended. In your case, it ended 2 years ago.

Well, you'd be very surprised ... depending on their upbringing, religious or otherwise, I know more than a handful of people who stopped having sex after having enough children - they firmly believe that sex is strictly for procreation only!!!

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

You might as well formalise the end of the relationship by initiating divorce proceedings.

Not necessary ... a lot of people choose to remain in a loveless arrangement ... some becoz of more complete upbringing for the children (which I feel is more convenience for the adults than anything else), some becoz of reluctance to pay alimony/maintenance etc.
Seeing that the source of the threadstarter's problems was the loss of a permanent job, it may be hell even after getting a divorce ... thanks to unfavourable clauses within the Women's Charter.

[NikonMan69]

Hello Bro

It is sad to hear u lost ya job years ago. Woman still has a traditional view that the man must support the family and if u freelance here n there not earning what u used to then likely your wife has lost that respect for u.

It is said that a couple must communicate to sort things out. It may not be easy as it seems but looks like you have to try to communicate with her.

Job wise and earning power, you have to attempt your best to do something meaningful and though you may not be able to earn what u used to, at least give yourself a direction and purpose so that she will slowly look up to u . Woman wants to see strenth, resolve and courage in her man and not a wimp to be blunt. The last thing any woman in Sg wants is to support her husband who is viewed as good for nothing.

Perhaps she was just having drinks with friends to distress so no one can come to a conclusion.

A woman in Sg may not divorce for some reasons. One is face. If can tehan she wont ask for it. 2 if got kids and for the sake of them, she wont wanna div.

It is time to discuss with her. If things dont turn out right, then do something good for yourself. No moolah u also can enjoy bonking around or even surfing this website.

All the best.

Thanks for all the replies. I tried to write back but it seems that I am still under some moderations as the replies are delayed. So I will try again after awhile.

All of you have given great pointers to me. May be I am paranoid. But I will talk to her regarding our tomorrow, if she is willing to talk to me...

Sigh...

[Big Sexy]

mate...not screwing for 2 years????.....wrong....i think you have been screwed!!!but before i can give you any further advice... can u tell me..

1. What;s the reason you didnt hold a full time job this past years?

2. what is your wife working as?

3. How long have you been together as a couple before marriage and how long have you been married?

4. have you tried talking to her before or went for counselling?

5. hmm.. u got any past history .. you know what i mean????

6. What or what do you think is the reason(s) your wife despise you?

i am not trying to belittle you here.. but without such info i cannot properly advice you. u can chose to pm me..

Originally Posted by Thunder_Struck

My wife, about 30, pretty, despised me a lot and even refuses to talk to me. We haven't had sex for 2 years already. .

[pastandnow]

Hi Bro, I think its time for a career change.

Try planing ahead, take a course in Air-con repair, Baking or Etc. Hands on skill can never be taken away from u. Its whether are u willing to do it or not.

U mention ur current pay$$$ is peanuts.... <1k or >1k ???

Something is definitly wrong between u and ur wife. You have to do something now, if u dont intend to loose her.

If necessary, talk to a counsellor. They have more experience in handling such matters and u may learn a trick or 2 from them... in breaking the ice between the 2 of u.

Knowing the problem....... find a solution. Dont TRY!!!! Just do it!!!! Prove urself by action, Not by words.

2yrs is a pretty long time. Be mentally prepare, that things wont change over night.

[laodi123456789]

Bro

very sorry for you. I think that she is not in this line of work since this is first time you smell this smoke. I think this means that something is just starting, not necessarily have sex yet, but maybe happen later. Maybe at this point onli friends with outsider but eventually become a lover. The smoke smell indicates a change in perspective and attitude.

B4 u leave her consider ur economic situation, can u afford to leave her, or u partially dependent upon her. Do u have a plan to increase ur income, and so regain her respect. If no plan and u still dependent upon the wife, then maybe consider a different approach to ur employment, maybe need to quit ur current job, get some full time training and then start work in a different field that will earn more money.

If regaining economic power is not feasible, maybe can consider making up in other ways. Do housework, cook for her and try and show her your value, if not in earning power but in other ways. Consider, are you overweight of possible have some habits your wife dun like, work on them, show her you care abt her opinion and fix those issues ur wife complain abt. The good thing abt doing this, if you break up then u will be already adjusted to running ur own household.

Its a hard thing to do, but its really abt power, if she earning more than you then you got to balance out elsewhere.

[easyeasy]

Originally Posted by evo3

In fact I also encounter the same problem but my is mor simple, my wife does not sleep in the same room as me for almost 4 donkey years. But she dont stay out late nite and use to be home after finish her work. But I hv a kid, otherwise I would have leave her liao. Just like Bro Sammyboy was saying here.

4 years, what happen? now everything ok, maybe you can advise a lot of bros here on your valuable experience

[sbfpolis]

If a woman do not desire you to touch her, it's really the end of her emotions 4u. Do you have kids, and why she hang on despite no feeling ? She is wasting her youth by stalling and could have got another man .... or she has already found her next ideal partner ?