Sam and Fred were out golfing, and as they approached the tee for the fifth hole, Sam turned to Fred and said, "Those two ladies on the sixth tee are too slow. Why don't you run up there and ask if we can play through?"
Fred jogged up to the sixth tee, and just before he got there, he turned and ran back to the fifth tee as fast as his legs could carry him! "I can't talk to those ladies! One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress! You go up and ask them!"
Sam jogged up to the sixth tee, and just before he got there, he turned and ran back as fast as his legs could carry him! As he approached Fred, he exclaimed, "My my, it's a small world, isn't it?"
There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please.The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions.The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence.The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat.Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have?"But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you.!!
Sam and Fred were out golfing, and as they approached the tee for the fifth hole, Sam turned to Fred and said, "Those two ladies on the sixth tee are too slow. Why don't you run up there and ask if we can play through?"
Fred jogged up to the sixth tee, and just before he got there, he turned and ran back to the fifth tee as fast as his legs could carry him! "I can't talk to those ladies! One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress! You go up and ask them!"
Sam jogged up to the sixth tee, and just before he got there, he turned and ran back as fast as his legs could carry him! As he approached Fred, he exclaimed, "My my, it's a small world, isn't it?"
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition.
She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused.
She moved again and the man laughed even more!
She filed a court case against him.
But, in court, the man's defence was :
_When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant._
_She then sat under a movie ad which read *"Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!"*_
_I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read: *"The love stick did the trick"*_
_Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read: *"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"*._
The case was dismissed because the Judge fell off his chair laughing!
😂😂😂
__________________
Up me if want trade.....will not return if you dun hv min 60 pts
Please Do Not reply long post, always edit...may zap and remove post
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition.
She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused.
She moved again and the man laughed even more!
She filed a court case against him.
But, in court, the man's defence was :
_When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant._
_She then sat under a movie ad which read *"Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!"*_
_I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read: *"The love stick did the trick"*_
_Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read: *"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"*._
The case was dismissed because the Judge fell off his chair laughing!
😂😂😂
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition.
She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused.
She moved again and the man laughed even more!
She filed a court case against him.
But, in court, the man's defence was :
_When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant._
_She then sat under a movie ad which read *"Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!"*_
_I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read: *"The love stick did the trick"*_
_Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read: *"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"*._
The case was dismissed because the Judge fell off his chair laughing!
������
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition.
She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused.
She moved again and the man laughed even more!
She filed a court case against him.
But, in court, the man's defence was :
_When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant._
_She then sat under a movie ad which read *"Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!"*_
_I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read: *"The love stick did the trick"*_
_Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read: *"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"*._
The case was dismissed because the Judge fell off his chair laughing!
😂😂😂
A shepherd goes to a television programme.
A man of the viewers stand up and asks him, "What was the best day of your life?"
The shepherd answers, "Well...the best day of my life was when I lost my donkey in the mountain, when I found it, i took it to the village's square and everyone fucked it."
A second man of the viewers asks him, "And the second best day of your life?"
And the shepherd, "Well...the second one was when in lost a sheep in the mountain, when I found it, I took it to the village's square and everyone fucked it."
So, after that, a third man of the viewers stand up and asks, "And the worse day of your life?."
"The worse day of my life was when I got lost in the mountain..."
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil ask, "What you doing?""
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest.
Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
30-05-2019, 07:47 PM
