Matters of the Heart.Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.
TS, do yourself a favor and go take a Myer-Briggs test. It might tell you more about your desirable and non desirable traits. Be aware that eligibility is kinda like currency. Its a perceived value. If majority of the girls find you difficult to communicate with after spending some time with you, your eligibility will be down in the dumps.
End of the day,not many people would want to spend their time with someone who makes them feel inadequate. Be mindful of the image you project to others. Body language is important, do you appear bored and distant to the girls you dated? Conversations are a 2 way thingy you need to participate but talk about simple mundane stuff eg trips, movies. Crack a joke or two, do not appear to be high & mighty. Perhaps a female friend can advise you on this aspect. It's important to relate and display empathy ie to bridge a connection on a psychological level.
Just a suggestion, relationships are for people to enjoy each other's company. It doesn't have to be a score table. There's no pass/fail/distinction. It either works or it doesn't. Don't over analyse its more important to enjoy each other and the activity you're involved with. Be real , relaxed and sincere. It's a person, not a puzzle to be solved.
Do cheer up, you're still young and there are plenty of chances around. EQ is something one develops over time. Just meet more people and do not shy away from clubbing. It does help with socialising if you can drink.
I'm surprised there's someone who knows is familiar with the Myber-Briggs type Indicator. I've been tested for an INTJ on multiple frequency since a young boy, ranking high on I, N and T dimension. The girls whom I've dated are ESFJ. I understand it is a bad combination. I club but rarely, and whenever I club, let lose and am half-drunk, I get girls. The same cannot be said when I am not under the alcoholic influence. I can drink a lot and am a very strong drinker. I suspect so, a lot of people informed me that I appear cold, distant and nonchalant in my body language and facial expression, and often looking into blank space when they're conversing. But the fact isn't that I am unconcerned with them, I just am processing through the information from them and thinking of a well-constructed and useful reply. I care more than I can express, and body and verbal expression while are typically an indicator of one's interest and intentions, does not hold true for me.
If the bros here can just have one meeting with you, we'll be able to tell you what's possibly wrong with your "always rejected" - at least I think I can tell.
So far the only feedback is that "you need more luck"? With so many failures, why have you not ask for specifics from those who "rejected" you? That's the only way you can solve the mystery and learn from mistakes.
I'm sure if you're "always" rejected, that means the problem lies with you. Hard for bros here to diagnose and analyze without more field intel
I'm on block leave which ends tomorrow. Posted to as RP. I don't mind meet up but not at my current state. I've been suffering from suspected melancholic depression in camp- suicidal thoughts, physical unmotivated to move, sleeping in parade square- am on medication and pending medical assessment. So bad that I am temporarily on excuse stay-in, firearms and explosive. It doesn't help that the aspect of dating is one which is constantly making me feel like a failure. I've self-reflected, and the conclusion as I have arrived, and as corroborated by people of my social circle, and on this board, is that I am boring. I doubt I need more feedbacks from my previous rejectors as intuition tells me that I have been rejected because I am too nice, too boring, and, I suffer from a deficiency of skill and interests in the area of small talks which impedes my ability to communicate with people, or females, on a general level. Such topics usually ranges from gossips, to movies and shopping, and my lack of interest and ability to prolong such communications means a major talking topic-relative to them-has been removed. This put me against an unfavorable odd. Moreover, I want nothing to do with those previous rejectors after having been taken advantage of by them. Most of them come contacting me for a meet up after their break ups. I refused to trade my spine.
Goodpartner: I am confused. I'm pretty sure there was a certain degree of attraction between me and my date, and perhaps the attraction fizzled out due to a combination of my personality and other causative factors. On this view, given that she is aware of my interest towards her(even after her attraction towards me has faded), should she not distance herself from me instead of continuing with me in the practice of text flirting, acceptances of movie and dinner dates?
I cannot help but feel that no matter how good she is or might be, she see no harm in reaping the benefits of going out with me. Regardless my perspective I assume from different angulation, I can only verdict I was taken advantage of. Would you, or anyone on this board agree with my sentiments? Are my sentiments valid?
Goodpartner: I am confused. I'm pretty sure there was a certain degree of attraction between me and my date, and perhaps the attraction fizzled out due to a combination of my personality and other causative factors. On this view, given that she is aware of my interest towards her(even after her attraction towards me has faded), should she not distance herself from me instead of continuing with me in the practice of text flirting, acceptances of movie and dinner dates?
I cannot help but feel that no matter how good she is or might be, she see no harm in reaping the benefits of going out with me. Regardless my perspective I assume from different angulation, I can only verdict I was taken advantage of. Would you, or anyone on this board agree with my sentiments? Are my sentiments valid?
I fully agreed with you. Yeah, I think those girls "blinded by stamps" and they took advantage of a super nice guy like you. Why on earth you CMI with girls is a great mystery. Though a newbie myself, I think you are 1 of the smartest (if not the most intelligent) guy in this forum. Too bad, my sister and her friends flew back to Tokyo, if not, I sure intro them to you (seriously).
Sad to say, girls arent interested in MCPs or guys who are too full of themselves, thinking that they are the best or smartest in the world and mean it...
That being said, i suppose girls hate guys who cant get the message that we arent interested.
Sad to say, girls arent interested in MCPs or guys who are too full of themselves, thinking that they are the best or smartest in the world and mean it...
That being said, i suppose girls hate guys who cant get the message that we arent interested.
I'm not MCP, nor am I full of myself. I assume an egalitarian world view.There is this conflation with society that one must be full of themselves just because they are intelligent, and vice versa. Intellect is in itself a quality; where, arrogance is the function from which a negative product is derived from the quality of what intelligence is.
Of course, your statement "girls hate guys who...." is a valid one. However, the nature of the case here does not correspond to the nature of your statement.
Though we girls always said we are looking for good/nice guys. But in reality, we will always choose the bad one compare to the nice one
You sound like a smart/serious guy. Try to be more fun, crack a joke, ask her questions(don't just let her do all the talking >.< )
How about being a jerk? I was advised to treat them like dirt but I find it difficult to do so as it was not within my character. Does the 'bad' boy appeal holds only for girls of a certain age or is it a biological precursor for the mating instinct of the female species? You are right, given all the considerations that arisen on this board, my problem might be that my reluctances to humor my date and inertia towards small talks. I certainly would have to tone down my level of depth too; starting off with light-hearted topics unless the lady has shown to be capable of being an equal mind mate.
How about being a jerk? I was advised to treat them like dirt but I find it difficult to do so as it was not within my character.
Aww... don't treat them like dirt >.< we might prefer bad guys to nice guys (but we often regret this decision too) Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that being a jerk is a good thing. Its just how the law of attraction works.
Its a good thing that being a jerk its not within your character I'm sure someone like you will eventually meet a nice girl. (If the girls you date don't see it, you should be relieve that you two ain't progressing)
I ever went on a star wars movie (Attack of the Clones) date with a woman. Man!....That evening was like a date with Jar Jar Binks cos this bombastic preacher talked a lot about herself using long and difficult words trying to impress me that she know more than I do.....for example:
Simple - The clone army marched to war
Bombastic - The clone military forces in all their panoply made their way towards the forthcoming conflict.
So I took out my light saber and with a 2-handed slash, cut all her "unnecessarily pretentious" (wow! I am so impressed with myself with this "big" word!!)......and conversed with her in Cantonese instead. Needless to say, she was not invited in the next film: Revenge of the Sith.
Moral of the story: Many people often got stuck in their self-created "Quicksand Trap" cos the objective of going on a date is to "Make the Connection". It's not an intellectual game. Too serious and smarty pants, girls will find you dull, lifeless, uninteresting and boring. It ain't cool to be with you at all.
Last edited by Ichigo_Kurosaki; 15-01-2011 at 08:26 PM.
I ever went on a star wars movie (Attack of the Clones) date with a woman. Man!....That evening was like a date with Jar Jar Binks cos this bombastic preacher talked a lot about herself using long and difficult words trying to impress me that she know more than I do.....for example:
Simple - The clone army marched to war
Bombastic - The clone military forces in all their panoply made their way towards the forthcoming conflict.
So I took out my light saber and with a 2-handed slash, cut all her "unnecessarily pretentious" (wow! I am so impressed with myself with this "big" word!!)......and conversed with her in Cantonese instead. Needless to say, she was not invited in the next film: Revenge of the Sith.
Moral of the story: Many people often got stuck in their self-created "Quicksand Trap" cos the objective of going on a date is to "Make the Connection". It's not an intellectual game. Too serious and smarty pants, girls will find you dull, lifeless, uninteresting and boring. It ain't cool to be with you at all.
Try to look at it as lessons than faults. Anyway, we won't know what's wrong with you in real life. Just date as much as possible with all types of girls and 1 day you'll realize why things with everybody else didn't work out.
Never treat a girl like dirt, make them feel beautiful!
15-01-2011, 10:01 AM
.............. shake head
