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| Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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#31
29-09-2011, 08:36 AM
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Re: What should I do?
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 You really don't seems sad or heart broken cos you always "Hahaha" among other issues like over your best friend's suicide. "Hahaha" ~ "Hahaha" perhaps you want to start a thread in the swing/orgies section looking for a FB 
Last edited by Ichigo_Kurosaki; 29-09-2011 at 08:49 AM. 
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#32
29-09-2011, 09:53 AM
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Re: What should I do?
TS: I'm going to take a leap here cos your post really resonates with me & I think I understand what you're going thru'. (Aside to weiwei: have fun & be safe ~ the dark side beckons
) TS it's been 6 months & for sure it's not been easy-going since you've not been allowed to fully express the pain you're hiding. It sucks when you're expected to uphold the perception that others expect of you -- especially when u may also be struggling under such expectations when you feel that your husband is responsible for destroying the family bliss in the first place. BUT admist all the anger & hurt, do remember -- your husband is feeling rather shitty, guilty & downright horrible too. You're not suffering alone. As much as the betrayed feels as if their whole world is turned topsy-turvy and their self-esteem is blown to bits, the betrayer goes through another kind of hell... the type of hell that sometimes I feel is worse than those who've been betrayed. And I believe your husband is trying his best to make it up to you, whilst feeling guilty, ashamed & helpless. It takes time.. and believe me, you'll emerge out of this stronger, more realistic; and rather sanguine about things in general. It doesn't mean that fidelity & love & commitment are no longer important, but it means that you come to accept & genuinely appreciate the present. The feelings that your husband had for the other person happened in the past - and remember: feelings are transient. Love is not just feelings; it is an action. What matters are the actions + feelings. Your husband chose to stay with you & is doing things with you now. Moving forward: as your husband strives to cultivate his BFE, you should also contribute with your GFE. Often we take things for granted & let things lag... you 2 have been great parents, good spouses... time to recapture the moments as passionate lovers  I agree with you: people (not just women) would ask themselves "Why me?". If you can, try to see the positives in your situation: your husband could have insisted on continuing the affair; the other woman could have confronted you & kids & in-laws at your home; the other woman could have harassed you till the point of breakdown etc etc... I'm not saying that you should just take things lying down... but by harping on the negatives, your emotions may get more clouded over & ultimately affect your children -- they are innocent & deserve to be protected. Kudos to you & your husband for trying to keep the harmony in the family & not drag the children into the strife. Take care... do see a counsellor - someone objective whom you can unload/rant/cry/sob confidentially to. Or take up a hobby whereby you can vent out: one gf took up kendo, another guy friend going thru' divorce took up archery. Be strong, look forward & don't allow the past rob you of the present. Hang in there...
__________________
"Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." ~ John Lennon
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#33
29-09-2011, 10:13 AM
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Re: What should I do?
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Besides, with so many weirdos and perverts roaming our street, self-defense classes are always good to take them down with a Muay Thai "tae" kick to the groin or an elbow "sok ti" strike to the eyes of an attacker if they jump on you 
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#34
29-09-2011, 11:46 AM
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Re: What should I do?
Firstly, thanks to all bro and sis who had consoled me and gave me encouragement both in this thread and the PMs. Secondly, for those who do not believe and suspect me and my encounter, do not read further. Please do not hurt me anymore.
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Ok, it is because I read weiwei’s thread which inspired me and gave me the courage to start my thread. And reading her thread let me know that I am not alone. That’s why some members here find it somewhat coincident. I chosen the title “What should I do?” because I always ask this question to myself. I am not actually, asking help. Sorry the title might mislead someone. Just wish to write out my problems as I have no one to speak to. I already mentioned that I never let anyone know in my first post. And sorry to say, the FL is not PRC. My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option. I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things. 
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#35
29-09-2011, 12:13 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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Play the family card. Go for family outings. Play games together. Create happy moments. Moments that he know he will lose forever if he leaves. Let him read books in bed to his kids. Go cycling in parks and pinics at beaches. Get your daughter to call him when he's working and ask 'Daddy daddy, what time are you coming home tonight? I miss you daddy... Whatever... play dirty, play hard. Right now, there is the allure of the other woman pulling him away from his family. What do you have that is pulling him back into the family? The worst thing is he leaves you for that woman, loses all his money and scrambles back to you with debts. Will fighting to prevent him from leaving be a pre-emptive measure to protect yourself too? I have a close girl pal. She struggled with her ex-bf from uni days till he's earning 7 figure yearly. He finally left her for a foreign beauty, who gave him 2 kids but still look 15 years younger than actual age, D cupper with 24 inch waist. My friend told me she suffered a lot in uni with him financially. Scrimp and saved and gave up a lot to build for their future. Trip to Europe becomes a trip to Bangkok, for example. When she sees the other woman wearing branded clothes, driving nice cars and living the lifestyle that is supposed to be hers, it's like salt being rubbed into her wound. Don't be like this pal of mine. Fight for your man, the father of your 3 kids. If a PRC woman loses her Singaporean husband to a Singaporean lady, do you think she will walk away gracefully without giving a fight, especially when there are 3 kids involved? Just my personal view. If you need ideas and schemes to win him back, pm me.
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#36
29-09-2011, 12:52 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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#37
29-09-2011, 12:53 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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__________________
retired liao... very seldom online
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#38
29-09-2011, 12:56 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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__________________
KliK sInI >>>IndO C3W3
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#39
29-09-2011, 01:04 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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1) Self check both RED highlighted thing.. Man do have pride and ego, your career minded mind may also play certain role of neglecting HIS needs and wants. 2) You hot-tempered is also vital, is he not working? ask yourself - remember when you are working for your employer - who does not suffer setbacks? so do you bring your setback from office to home, at times small little thing that he does surely cos annoy to you bcos of your unhappiness in work and make the home become very lousy. Just remember, things went wrong never always put the blame on other, sit down and think how to solve the problem and now asking elsewhere What should I do..bla bla... ! I also do agree he also make mistake, he is not SAINT, if he is SAINT he will not falls for the LUST etc. Everything happens do have its own reasons.. Dun look further and ask what should I do.... ask yourself how you want to remedy the RS.... But in BLUE highlighted.. both of you shown improvement, isn't it a good start... then why bother about past.., look at it now and future. If you are serious in your RS and treasure what you have right now, look inside, be blessed..
__________________
^^ 一天为魔 ^^ 终身为魔 ^^ ~~人生最重要的，不是如何走得快，而是怎样放得下，练就平静淡泊的心，乃追求之极致~~
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#40
29-09-2011, 01:18 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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 Money and status mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. It certainly doesn't help in achieving a state of happiness and contentment.
__________________
Tips for ALL samsters.
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#41
29-09-2011, 01:42 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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Btw, your site now is worth US$476K (Rounding off)
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#42
29-09-2011, 01:51 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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All I have left is what I need for my day to day expenses with some stashed away for a rainy day.
__________________
Tips for ALL samsters.
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#43
29-09-2011, 01:59 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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Another side effect from having these cynical posts is that they promote the sense of "righteousness" from others which result in supportive replies & PM for the TS. E.g. Boss's replies to all these threads are usually cynical to start with. Personally I think it has some kind of reverse psychology effect in a +ve way (for most, not all ). TS, yea that's the way, if you think bros here wronged you, react & stand up for it like now. Just don't disappear into self-pity & destroy yourself & family in the quiet. You'll not be hurt much longer if you begin to defend yourself. I'm still reading. Now I believe Quote:
__________________
与其诅咒黑暗，不如燃起蜡烛。
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#44
29-09-2011, 02:08 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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__________________
^^ 一天为魔 ^^ 终身为魔 ^^ ~~人生最重要的，不是如何走得快，而是怎样放得下，练就平静淡泊的心，乃追求之极致~~
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#45
29-09-2011, 02:58 PM
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Re: What should I do?
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Fight back! Be fearless! Fight back with the FL, Fight back your marriage just like you fight back at us !!! May the force be with you !
Last edited by Ichigo_Kurosaki; 29-09-2011 at 03:00 PM. Reason: Though cannot really say much about that little girl in the other thread. Hahaha.........
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