An Innocents.

[Mark Lim]

Originally Posted by Derelict

What is love?

I hate for doing what I did. I hate ever to let my love one suffer as my colleague did. Since this incident, I hate not understanding so many, so many other facts. I think I better go read that other famous thread again.

Bro, pretty touching story.

have been in love for >20 years now and still in love with my other half. love is after all your cheonging from GL to Serangoon, to Bencoolen, to Orchid, then to Malaysia, LOS, China, Japan, Europe, US... after all the cheongings you return home feeling guilty and hug your other half saying "darling, i love you". she stared into your eyes and asked "did you used condom ?".

- puppy love is temporal fun & enjoyment
- newbie love is honeymoon and 2 persons world
- deep love is possessive, forever heaven & earth 天长地久
- mature love is understanding each others' needs, care for each others' feelings

it takes time & efforts to cultivate love, true love transcends social stratum. it is a deep bonding shared by 2 persons that is inseparable.

Mark Lim

[forumer]

Originally Posted by Mark Lim

have been in love for >20 years now and still in love with my other half. love is after all your cheonging from GL to Serangoon, to Bencoolen, to Orchid, then to Malaysia, LOS, China, Japan, Europe, US... after all the cheongings you return home feeling guilty and hug your other half saying "darling, i love you". she stared into your eyes and asked "did you used condom ?".

very magnanimous of ur wife...

[Mark Lim]

man has physiological and psychological needs.

love is a psychological state of mind. a state where 2 persons shares their feelings, sorrows and happiness together.

making love is a physiological needs where a man satisfies his sexual needs. you can have the best GF feeling with an FL. but, ask yourself if you love the girl in front of you after you cum. i will never love someone whom i pay to makes love with.

Mark Lim

[iporno]

i wonder if i can accept if my other half goes out to eat...
even if i love her, can i tolerate it?

[Shuqi]

Originally Posted by Mark Lim

making love is a physiological needs where a man satisfies his sexual needs. you can have the best GF feeling with an FL. but, ask yourself if you love the girl in front of you after you cum. i will never love someone whom i pay to makes love with.

Mark Lim

well said, brudder.

[Derelict]

Firstly, I entitled the tread "An innocents" and not "Innocence". They are in a way the same and yet not. Just take that one is written as a subject while the other is the state of the mind. Yes, it is artlessness and purity while innocence is a term that describes the lack of guilt of an individual. Long story short, just think of it as being the same.

I got carried away when I wrote the opening post. Got too emotional about the whole thing. After the weekend I managed to sort things out. Mind you I am a pretty level-headed bloke but the curcamstances on that day is akin to being live on a stage... no longer one of the audience but a participant in a reality show. My mind didnt take too kindly to the whole episode. Anyways, now the true question. When did we loose our innocence when it comes to fidelity?

I am going to jump to one of my monologue mode. So bear with me for a lil bit. Take it as light reading. If too much words is not your cup of tea than I suggest you jump to another thread hereof. The whole point is about trying to make sense with the whys and the hows of infidelity. Hopefully it will help direct a few good points.

Some might argue the day we cheated is the day we lost it. Cheating is a big subject so lets narrow it down to spousal cheat. To cheat one does not really need to sleep with another to constitute cheating. So long as the mind think of another it is cheating. Period. Thus, where do we draw the line in regards to being faithful? I use faithful because ultimately it will lead to adultery if the cheating goes unchecked. Never underestimate the power of imagination. It is thru imagination that passion is build. Like all passion it is very difficult to curb or control (Blake says it best).

I happen to come across an article on MSNBC "Why you dont have to have sex to cheat" which got me thinking in the 1st place.

In it, it talks about emotional infidelity. Take this for example, when you flirt with co-workers, send around funny e-mails to colleagues, or hang out with members of the opposite sex at gatherings. It may seem harmless but the truth is you have just started spending less time with your love ones. Remember that you only have so much energy. If you’re spending it with co-workers or outside the home and then getting home and feeling too tired to spend anymore on your partner, that’s emotional infidelity. You’re effectively relocating vital relationship energy into the hands of others. Forget about where it might end up. Even if you never touch this other person, you have still used that person to relate to, and in doing so, you relate away from your partner. You may be shaking your head and disagreeing. But try to step out of your shoes and look at the situation. I think you will see the big picture.

How do you know if you're being unfaithful?
Consider your personal relationships:

1. When you hear a funny joke or good piece of gossip, do you first tell other colleagues? By the time you get home, have you chewed it all over so much at the office that you don’t feel like telling it again to your partner?

2. Do you discuss all of your work problems (or issues involving volunteer work or other important things you are involved in) so thoroughly with colleagues that you’re all talked out by the time you return home? Do you feel like it would take too long to review and explain the entire issue from scratch to your partner?

3. Do you go out alone to lunch or after work for drinks with members of the opposite sex?

4. Do you enjoy harmless (by your definition) flirtation at a cocktail party?

5. Do you believe that getting emotionally excited by flirting with someone else is helpful to your relationship? Do you think it helps educate you as to what you need more of from your partner? Do you tell yourself that the juice you get from flirting with others brings more vitality to your relationship?

6. Do you spend as long buying the “right gift” for a colleague as you do for your own partner?

7. Do you ride in a car sharing with someone else pleasant, personal conversations on the way to meetings or other work-related events?

8. Do you share intimate issues about yourself or relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

If you’re doing any of these things, chances are you are well on your way to a breakdown in the relationship with your better half.

I guess in a nutshell, we lost our innocence when we mingle. Those conversations and time spend with them can lead to many things. How it is digested only you can ascertain it. It does make alot of sense to me anyways. I do hope my rant shed a lil lite on keeping a relationship sound.

Cheers!

[no_faith]

bro derelict, all the tings above does not harbour any evil thoughts or motives inside u, i believe you r not being unfaithful.
so if u have motive for doing these, you have already off the track sub-consicously.

but in the reality world, the word "love" has already lost its meaning.

sry to be blunt, "love" is used a tool which means.....
"love is when guys wanted to have sex from the ladies"
"love is when gals wanted to have materialistic satisfaction from the guys"

not all guys/gals lah.
sry, if itz too profound, itz juz flashes in my mind so i type in loh.



peace

[_AXL_]

Originally Posted by Derelict

I happen to come across an article on MSNBC "Why you dont have to have sex to cheat" which got me thinking in the 1st place.

sorry about your participation in that reality episode... no one should go through that, in fact. but of course, your actions didnt really make the problem go away. it only masks the fact that your colleague could still bear to bank on that excuse u have created while everyone who witnessed the event would know exactly what happened.

for me, it was different. i saw my buddy's gf going out with another guy in a pub. they were kissing and "rabba"ing. totally lost in their own world. called my buddy right away and told him. he told me to meet him and he told me this. he is not going to marry her. she is 12 years his junior. he will just enjoy her youthful body until she decides to leave him for someone else. meanwhile, he has sex with her whenever he wants. so he does not need to see her infidelity.

i guess what i m trying to say is that the motives (for lack of a better word) for being together are a myriad of human emotions thrown into a very big cauldron. we never know what we r going to get until...errrh... it's too late!!!

i also believe that one can lose innocence, but still find true love. once u found the ONE, u will naively and actively give everything u have on the table, ala daniel craig in casino royale. u r lucky to have found yours, while many here r stuck in loveless unions. i suspect it is no coincidence that a huge majority of people prefer to be with someone who loves him more than he loves his partner. again, i may be wrong.

finally, i sincerely believe that infidelity occurs in the mind first before actions. i can enjoy a conversation with a pretty lady, sexual innuendos thrown in the air over some wine in a conducive environment. when does the infidelity start? when i start thinking when i should make my move; right here, right now? before i send her back so that i dont have to waste petrol driving back to town to a hotel? before she gets down the car or at her doorstep? that's infidelity already to me... when i start thinking of trying to get lucky, i m f**ked!

just my 2 cents. cheers

[natsuki]

There isn't any str8 defination in Love...

Each has their own defination, might be, might not be.
It's still up to individual...