serious help here

[texas5star]

oh my god.. i need seriously all bro advice here..

i had this friend A, whom i knew for more than a decade. few years back, i try to ask her be my gf. but there is complication between another of my close friend who is also chasing her.

End up i think they into a relation and A told me that she does not have chemistry in me. so i backed out. But my friend seeing this, decided to back out too.

few years later, A got a child but was dumped. when i heard this, i was so heartbroke. but nevertheless, i got over it.

recently she contacted me thru online asking me out which we did. for the next few days she was like calling me, chatting with me. Until she asked if we could be together.

I still had a feel for her but i am not sure about this.. can anyone out there give any advice or comment about this?? now my heart is confused

[Cheonging101]

Bro, here's the advice: run.

When she had everything, you were the last person in her mind.

When she lost everything plus a baggage, you're the first person she thought of.

Here's how it works...

1st person in mind when happy + 1st person in mind when sad = True love
1st person in mind when happy + Last person in mind when sad = Lust and infatuation
Last person in mind when happy + 1st person in mind when sad = Feels that you are now at her same lavel as she was too good for you when she had it all
Last person in mind when happy + Last person in mind when sad = Total nonchalance

[Chinapuss]

Fcuk her and find a better one Bro....

[colins]

One side of the story:

Everyone changes. When experience in life makes us learn our mistakes and self reflection makes us re-tune our perception of what we need, we change. A few years is sufficient for someone to do that, esp if she has been thru quite of bit.

The other side...:

She has a plan, evident in her recent approach to you. She needs someone dependable and probably you come in first on that score. She isn't looking for love of her life now becos she already has one, her child. So while last time she believed she would be marrying downwards if she chose you, now she feels it is ok since she had since 'de-valued' from the confidence blow and the presence of a child. Bear in mind she had a lot of time to think about her future during her pregnancy esp during which she had to decide whether to raise the child as a single parent.

My thoughts - All women have this innate ability to judge her personal value perceived by men. Means 'I know how much I worth in front of you'. Of cos, that is a subjective value which floats between a woman's self worth and the man's reason to recognise her worth.

In this case, she is still she. I'm sure you agree that the person is the same (worth) otherwise you wouldn't have written this post. The only thing you need to find out is, what had cause her to devalue herself? If it's becos of her child then she hasn't come clean with you. If it's becos of her change in preference in men and her renewed confidence on the dependability scale of her man, then I guess you can go for it.

But be prepared, once you get into the relationship with her, you'll find that she is and will never be the person you have known her to be.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by texas5star

oh my god.. i need seriously all bro advice here..

Fuck her a few times and then move on once it gets boring.

[Minty Mint]

Originally Posted by colins

But be prepared, once you get into the relationship with her, you'll find that she is and will never be the person you have known her to be.

I have to agree with bro Colins. People do change over the years..... be it good or bad.

[tikokeong]

Just see how things going to be.Mabe you can try it out as ppl might change all these years.

If happened to be me. i will try out but don't put too much feeling in it and slowly see how things goes. Some times it happened to girls making a wrong choice last time after thinking back they feel that you are the one and the wan to try it out (But things have change no the same as before)

Ps:TS it is up to you to see if you are going to take the game.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Bro texas5star, she only wants you back because the other dude done, used her up and doesn't want her around no more.

We all have sentimental feelings for all our ex-girlfriends. Be it lust, lost dreams or fantasies. Getting back together as a fuck buddy is fine, not a relationship with marriage intend..She probably has resigned herself to her fate to find a guy who love her, take care of her and kid, rather than she love him.

I guess she think you're the perfect "fall back guy". There are many girls out there, don't be pussy whipped by her.

Reflect on those lost contacts missing years and continue to move forward, not backward

[DO_I_BJ]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fuck her a few times and then move on once it gets boring.

u call this an advice? more like nonsense.

[tuxedosam]

perhaps all interpersonal relationships are best defined at the most basic level by the way they measure on the utilitarian scale...but of course, definitions of 'usefulness' vary from person to person and situation to situation. is it truly that dreadful to be useful for once? or to find some 'use' for someone else in return? as long as there is some mutually acceptable level of utility present, whether in terms of material and/or sentimental gratification or perhaps something else altogether, who is to say whether a relationship is necessarily on a 'right' or 'wrong' trajectory? well, it's probably true that feelings and people change. but it's also equally plausible that there are some ideals that can withstand the test of time. seriously though...can one realistically disentangle all this convoluted and intertwined currents from one another objectively, to begin with? if you think you don't mind being 'played' while being a 'player', by all means, go ahead. some people actually get a fix from playing all those twisted mindfuck games of will and power. but if you're the naïve and straight-forward sort, better desist. at the very least, if you're not the dance with danger type and dun wish to entertain the chance or risk that your heart and life might be shredded into tiny, unrecognisable pieces, then dun. it's all a question of individual motives and notions of appetite and payback. life is complicated. but you can choose a simpler path if you so desire.

[etct88]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fuck her a few times and then move on once it gets boring.

ha ha ha..this one not a good advice.

Bonk a few time, TS will be stuck by his own sperm....... ok, to listen, after a visit to a WL/FL or whatever. This will kill the horniness in one self before such confuckation..... too tempting..

[bloopz]

hi TS,

i'm not a professional consellor but here's my take on your situation.

firstly, i always think that in matters of the heart no one can judge it better then the person himself/herself and will depend largely on the emotional maturity of the person(s) involved.

hmm.. by the way, why dont you guys stay as friends till you know each other better? (knowing her for more then a decade doesnt mean u know her character now.. there might be hidden agenda especially if it comes out of nowhere.... )

anyway, if you are confused about your own feelings, you should ask yourself, did u feel really comfortable chatting/being with her? is there any reason/pressure why did she wanna go into a relationship?
1) if u feel good when you are with her (not just physical attraction, think communication!!), then it could be possible that she has the feel for u and vice versa. this could lead to a proper relationship/friendship or even marriage.

2) if ever you feel that there could be any question marks then clear the doubt. dont ever try guessing or procrastinating.

PS: think the above does not just apply to your current state n it could be helpful for you if you are in doubt of any r/s

if u dont wanna give her a chance then no need to read further.


but in case you do wanna be with her,
1) look at her character now and not in the past. who does not have a past? (but of course if you really do end up with her u need to brave more pressure esp if your family is very traditional)

2) try to understand her like a gal u have never known b4. try to eliminate the urge to think back about the past. what is past had passed now.

3) it is definitely good if she can come clean with u about her past but it might be difficult especially if she feels ashamed about it(give her time and guide her in divulging her innermost memories.. it might be very hurting for her if she went through alot...


sorry for the long post. do let me know if this helps..
good luck bro!

[block11]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fuck her a few times and then move on once it gets boring.

wow.... when things get complicated, go back to the basics huh?

[Wynhan]

dun just cut one tree where there are whole forest of trees for you to cut

[Liquid@cid]

If you still have feelings for her den move on, maintain your friendship relation with her, dun complicate it as to me, she is just trying to find a 避风港......

If your feelings for her is only in the past and had no more spiecial feeling for her now, den bed her and enjoy the KC and FB, move on when you got tired of her......

You mentioned that you still had feelings for her, but i really doubt so as it had been a long time since you two meet up (she even got a child liao ) so maybe you should ask yourself seriously, your feelings for her is truely love???? or just affected by the “得不到的永远是最好的” effect??? did you fall in love with other girls when you two are not in ctc??? do you noe that guys had this philosophy that “妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不到” are you in that situation now????

just my 2 cents worth